Most of my clients have Freedom as one of their core values. I believe that if you value Freedom, then you have an inherent ability to feel Free. But we get in our own way and sabotage our Freedom with thought and behavioural habits. The good news is your task is not to be free; your task is to identify the barriers to your freedom.
The following are the most common habits that keep us from being free:
1. Hiding who we are.
One of our core needs is to feel safe. We try to protect ourselves by hiding our vulnerability and our strengths. You may pretend that you are okay when you are not. Or you may hide that you feel happy and satisfied with your life. What about yourself are you hiding?
TIP: How could you show up more authentically?
2. Judging ourselves and others
Another way we try to protect ourselves is by judging or criticising ourselves and others. It shows up as self-blame and blaming others. Are you aware that you react emotionally to challenges triggered by blame?
TIP: How could you take full ownership of your results?
3. Getting distracted
When we feel overwhelmed and stressed, we struggle to prioritise. We react to 'problems' immediately without discerning whether the problem needs to be solved immediately. Do you feel free to focus on the things that matter to you? Or is your to-do list determined by other people?
TIP: What if you focused only on what’s most important right now?
4. Seeking approval
Another core need is to feel connected to others. When we feel disconnected, we seek approval from others by performing, pleasing, and flattering in the hope of favourable reactions. Are you aware that you're anxiously trying to get relationships to work in your favour?
TIP: What if you resolved to please yourself instead of others?
5. Trying to control situations and people
We all have control strategies to get what we want. We also try to control people so that they can be different. Are you aware when you use even subtle control strategies to get those close to you to cooperate?
TIP: What if you surrendered your need to control and let life unfold?
6. Chasing after pleasures
When we feel dissatisfied, we get fixated on success, food, people, shopping, decorating, entertainment, alcohol, and drugs. How much are you chasing after things?
TIP: What if you took time to practice gratitude for all you have already?
7. Lack of clear boundaries
When you are not clear about what you will and won't allow, you won't be able to draw clear boundaries around situations and people. Boundaries give us the freedom to experience wellbeing, safety, and integrity in our relationships with people and the outside world. What are you still allowing that is impeding your wellbeing, safety, and integrity?
TIP: What do you want and value? Communicate this clearly with others so they know.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
Take them one by one, write them out, and write down what you want instead. The awareness combined with the decision to change will help you raise the bar of your life so that you can experience the peace, power, and freedom you deserve.