An Unconventional Approach to Success: Insights from the 'Composure Class'

As someone involved in the world of executive leadership, I've always sought new perspectives to enrich my understanding of success and satisfaction, both in my professional and personal aspirations.

Recently, I stumbled upon the work of David Brooks, whose exploration of the 'composure class' offers a breath of fresh air in defining what it truly means to achieve contentment and accomplishment.

Understanding the Essence of the Composure Class:

The composure class refers to a group of individuals who do not necessarily achieve success through conventional means of ambition and striving. Instead, their success seems to unfold gradually, almost effortlessly, akin to how snow settles gently over time.

What Sets Them Apart:

1. Understanding and Inspiring Others: Members of the composure class possess a rare gift for empathising with and motivating those around them, inspiring collective growth and progress.

2. Discerning Patterns: With a keen eye for detail, they effortlessly decipher underlying patterns in complex situations, paving the way for informed decisions and clear pathways forward.

3. Building Trusting Relationships: Rooted in authenticity and genuine connection, they cultivate deep, meaningful relationships founded on mutual respect and unwavering trust.

4. Acknowledging and Improving: Humility is their companion on the journey of continual growth, as they courageously confront and address their own limitations, fostering self-improvement and personal evolution.

5. Imagining Alternate Futures: Armed with a visionary mindset, they embrace change as an opportunity, daring to envision possibilities beyond the constraints of the status quo.

Implications for Executive Leadership:

1. Embracing a Gradual Path to Success: The composure class teaches us that success is not a frantic race to the finish line but rather a steady, deliberate journey of growth and self-discovery. It's about savouring each step of the process, knowing that true achievement unfolds in its own time.

2. Redefining Success: In the realm of executive leadership, the composure class challenges us to redefine success, emphasising the importance of qualities like empathy, adaptability, and integrity in fostering thriving, sustainable organisations.

3. Leading with Purpose: For executives and leaders, embracing the principles of the composure class offers a blueprint for cultivating resilient, purpose-driven organisations that prioritise people over profits and values over vanity.

4. Cultivating Personal Growth: Individually, we can draw inspiration from the composure class to prioritise self-awareness, authenticity, and meaningful relationships in our pursuit of success. It's about honouring our unique journey and embracing the transformative power of introspection and connection.

A Mental Health Perspective

To me, embracing these principles entails shifting focus from the individual ego to our collective well-being. In a world often driven by personal ambition and the quest for power, these principles offer a transformative alternative. Rather than pushing people for our own interests, we can seek collaboration and shared success. By prioritising qualities like empathy, integrity, and collaboration, we move away from the "me, myself, and I" mindset, towards valuing the collective good. It's about recognising that our greatest achievements are often accomplished together.

Take some time to consider the ways you already follow these principles and which ones you can integrate into your personal and professional life.

How to change your subconscious beliefs

Identify and banish the core beliefs that are holding you back and keeping you stuck 

One of the most difficult things we can ask of ourselves is to change our subconscious or reprogram our core beliefs. Why? The clue is in the name. They’re our core, foundational thoughts about the world around us and our place in it, and just like an automatic habit such as absentmindedly chewing on your nails, they’re often tucked within the depths of our subconscious so we don’t even realise they’re there.

That’s usually when my clients start telling me they feel anxious, unable to focus, unable to move forward… they feel stuck. But the mind is powerful and surprisingly malleable. Thought work can help unpick these stubborn beliefs and replace them with new ones. 

Before you read on, would you like to download my Getting Unstuck Workshop? This is a free 60-minute session, which will help you take the first steps to navigating change in your life, no matter what your unique journey is. 

In this article, we’ll cover: 

What are subconscious thoughts? 

How do subconscious thoughts stand in our way? 

Can we change our beliefs? 

How to change subconscious beliefs? 

How difficult is it to change beliefs? 

Reprogramme your mindset with a simple tool

What are subconscious thoughts? 

Think of your subconscious as a protective force. From a young age, we learn to avoid things that will hurt us. These are the defenses that we built up around us like a pillow fort, synonymous with survival. And you carefully stack them up over time: one pillow for the things you think you can’t do, one pillow for experiences you believe will never be accessible to you, one pillow for the way you see the world… We’re good at certain things, we’re bad at others; we’re morally dedicated to some beliefs and don’t put weight behind others; we’re only extroverted or only introverted. Each of these pillows provides a soft landing for our developing minds as we grow up.

Then we do grow up. Yet as adults, we still find ourselves retreating into that familiar old pillow fort when faced with moments that bring up negative responses for us such as anxiety, racing heart beat, tight chestedness… Suddenly, your pre-programmed thoughts kick in, ready to alleviate your symptoms. It’s the classic ‘flight’ part of ‘fight or flight’. So when we’ re deciding to make a big change, we might be blocked by a pillow that says ‘I won’t see this through’, ‘I’m scared of rejection’ or ‘I’ll never have the time’, and we go back to where we were, a familiar space that elicits fewer negative sensations.

How do subconscious thoughts stand in our way? 

Maybe you’ve decided to apply for that promotion. As you’re filling in the application form, you’re hit with a thought: 

“I’m not good enough.” 

“I don’t like change.” 

“I’m only going to be good at what I do now.” 

Or let’s imagine you’re re-entering the dating world: you’ve matched on a dating app and they want to meet up for the first time. 

“They won’t like what they see.” 

“There’s something wrong with me.”

“I’m bad at first dates.” 

“I’ll never find the one.”

Any one of these thoughts could stop your career or dating journey right in its tracks, and your big vision for what you want disappears. 

These are just two examples of how our subconscious might stand in our way, but these thought patterns are happening every day, with every decision we make. That’s because these beliefs have been formed to protect you from harm, from disappointment and pain. They form a seemingly impenetrable layer around us like that fort. But as protected as you feel enveloped in that layer, you’re hiding from new stimuli and growth, and you’re stuck where you are. It’s time to start breaking free.

Can we change our subconscious beliefs? 

Yes! Just because you’ve been playing these thoughts on a loop for so long and they’re the only harmony you know, doesn’t mean you can’t change the tune. It’s all about identifying those thoughts when they come up, giving them space for recognition, evaluating where they stem from and unpacking them. What is true about this subconscious belief and what is actually fiction? By examining your thought patterns, you’re empowering yourself to overcome them, and creating space for new thoughts to replace them. In science circles, this is called neuroplasticity, and it refers to the brain being able to change its response to external stimuli. 

How to change my subconscious beliefs? 

Thought work is a powerful tool that’ll help you not only identify these thoughts, but embed new ones. I’ve developed a daily practice based on mind-body science to uncover these subconscious thoughts and bring a brand new perspective to light. It’s all part of my Mindset workshop, called Ditch Your Core beliefs. 

This 60-minute workshop is packed with helpful advice - and it’s all available to you for just R189 (that’s $11!). In it, you’ll learn about the neural pathways that embed these thoughts in our minds. I’ll dive into what these thoughts can look and feel like, and the importance of slowing these thoughts down. Expect to leave equipped with a handy guide to identifying your own negative beliefs, and a restorative daily practice to slow them down and replace them.

How difficult is it to change these beliefs? 

Many people seek out my help as a clinical psychologist when they’re experiencing the symptoms of these subconscious beliefs: anxiety, panic, feeling stuck and hopeless. Even I’ve felt that sense of fear permeate my decisions to change.  And what I can tell you from all that experience is that breaking these mental connections doesn’t come in an instant. It’s a process. But a one-on-one therapy programme isn’t accessible for everyone. That’s why I’ve developed the Solution Focused community and our dedicated workshops. 

With these workshops - and the Mindset workshop in particular - I give you the practical tools and advice to make it easy to identify the beliefs holding you back, reflect on your mindset, and reprogramme your thought patterns. To make it accessible to all, I’m only charging you R189 ($11), which is 10% of an hour-long therapy session. What’s more, you’ll get a daily mindful practice to use to identify your thought patterns going forward. I like to think of it as a sustainable approach to therapy and self improvement, and with it, the challenge of changing your subconscious beliefs becomes that much easier. 

Reprogramme your mindset with a simple tool

Get access to my dedicated Mindset workshop now. In it, I’ll teach you to ditch your core beliefs, and give you the skills and tools to recognize and identify the beliefs keeping you stuck, restructure your thought patterns and ultimately help you pave the way for growth.

Here’s what you can expect to uncover:

- the science and psychology of how subconscious beliefs are picked up in childhood and throughout life

- the three essential steps you need to identify your core belief

- how to change the core belief

- a daily practice to reinforce the new belief

and ongoing access to a growing, supportive community.

You’ll also get my Breakthrough Guide to Thought Work, which includes a chart of the 70 most common core beliefs and positive, empowering replacement thoughts that will set you in motion, not keep you stuck. 

Remember, we do have a say in the thoughts that we think. With this guide you can harness your mind in a powerful way. 

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How To Start Your Work Day With Ease

Ever heard of the popular phrase “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” which describes someone that is in an irritable mood or downright having a terrible day. We feel like our ducks aren’t in a row on those long days.

Then the phrase "woke up on the right side of the bed" describes someone in a jovial mood and having a brilliant day with everything sailing smooth. We feel like our stars are aligned, we’re acing our day and feeling like we’re at the top of our game. While most of it is a myth, something about it stands out correct. How you start your day can hugely influence how you go on about the rest of it.

The truth is that starting your day off right begins the night before. That is, going to bed at a reasonable time to give your body the amount of sleep it requires to be positively fueled for the next day. When you are not well-rested, you are exposing yourself to burnout because your body will run on the little energy left. 

You know that moment where it feels like some weight has suddenly been lifted off your shoulders, that is what I’m talking about.

You can do some simple things every night to help you achieve this. It begins with holding your bedroom/sleeping area as a sacred space. A space where peace dwells and you protect it at all costs. Let it be as comfortable as possible according to what works for you. The reason this is helpful is that the minute you walk in there, your body will automatically wind down and lead you to sink into relaxation mode. You know that moment where it feels like some weight has suddenly been lifted off your shoulders, that is what I’m talking about. The things you keep at your bedside should also be in contribution to this. Instead of keeping a super bright night lamp, switch it up with a dim one to set the resting atmosphere. Keep a glass of water and a notebook. 

Most people have the habit of surfing through social media on their phones till they fall asleep. This is something I was accustomed to as well and I found myself going on for hours upon hours of watching online funny videos and before I realised it, I’d find myself awake way after midnight. Some people enjoy watching TV as they lay down in bed but how sustainable is it to have one in your bedroom because if you have it in there, you may want to watch it. That takes away a little bit of quiet time to process your day before falling asleep. 

Without a doubt, you would be giving yourself the chance to rest beautifully. 

The good news is that it is never too late to substitute these habits with healthier ones that are more beneficial to our bodies and well-being. Taking your notebook and writing down things that are bothering you will help you slow down. Set intentions for the next day and even write down the things for which you are thankful. Without a doubt, you would be giving yourself the chance to rest beautifully. 

If you can, get up an hour early. I remember for the longest time I’d refer to myself as “not a morning person”. I disliked everything about getting up and getting ready for the day. I didn’t have any routine or anything positive that I looked forward to in the mornings. Because of that, my days started dreadfully and dull. I’d feel tired and annoyed for the rest of the day because I’d already deemed the day boring. It is only until I completely changed my approach and got up earlier than usual to give myself enough time to wake up fully, get ready with no rush, and do what I need to do to set up my day.  

When you wake up in the morning, you have another chance to kick start your day with all the right things.

Get your attitude in check. The mind is a powerful dwelling place. What we think has a massive impact on how we look at everything. It is believed that what we think is what we become and to a high extent, it is credible. If you think today is going to be a long day, for sure you will drag everything because that is already what you are expecting for the day. But if you were to switch it up with some positive affirmations, imagine how your day would be. Tell yourself how beautiful and successful today will be, how great you will be, and how awesome you are. Encourage yourself to do the best you can believing you will prosper. Positive affirmations give your mentality the recognition of your abilities and what you can achieve. 

When you wake up in the morning, you have another chance to kick start your day with all the right things. Drink a glass of freshwater to immediately rehydrate your body. Drinking water first thing in the morning flushes out the stomach and therefore balances the lymphatic system. A stable lymphatic system will help build a strong immune system, which will prevent us from getting sick as often. 

Do some form of activity. When we feel good physically, we thrive even better mentally. Do some quick exercises and get your body moving? I know you’re probably thinking you don't have time to spare for a morning workout, but it doesn’t have to be anything intense or a full-on gym session. The beauty of exercising is that you can create your own that works the best for you. It could be as simple as just a few breathing exercises or a few stretches and go. Yoga is also as equally powerful. 

Listen to something positive. As you get ready in the morning and during your work travel, listen to something that gives you positive and happy vibes. When you listen to sad news, things that break your heart and give you grief, you are at risk of spoiling the mood for the rest of the day. You could listen to a podcast, or some feel-good music to block out any negative thoughts that may want to invade your day. 

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and that is because it gives you the energy to take on the new day. You want to feel strong and confident and when we have the right amount of energy, we thrive at full capacity. It is even better if we can incorporate brain-stimulating content into our breakfast. Things like green-leafy vegetables, berries, tomatoes, nuts, and seeds, help keep our minds actively boosted. 

These are easy to do and within reach for most people, but they can feel overwhelming all at once. First, pat yourself on the back if you are already doing some of them. You can start with one until it becomes a habit and then add another one. 

Seven Ways We Get in the Way of Our Freedom

Most of my clients have Freedom as one of their core values. I believe that if you value Freedom, then you have an inherent ability to feel Free. But we get in our own way and sabotage our Freedom with thought and behavioural habits. The good news is your task is not to be free; your task is to identify the barriers to your freedom. 

The following are the most common habits that keep us from being free:

1. Hiding who we are. 

One of our core needs is to feel safe. We try to protect ourselves by hiding our vulnerability and our strengths. You may pretend that you are okay when you are not. Or you may hide that you feel happy and satisfied with your life. What about yourself are you hiding? 

TIP: How could you show up more authentically?

2. Judging ourselves and others 

Another way we try to protect ourselves is by judging or criticising ourselves and others. It shows up as self-blame and blaming others. Are you aware that you react emotionally to challenges triggered by blame? 

TIP: How could you take full ownership of your results?

3. Getting distracted

When we feel overwhelmed and stressed, we struggle to prioritise. We react to 'problems' immediately without discerning whether the problem needs to be solved immediately. Do you feel free to focus on the things that matter to you? Or is your to-do list determined by other people? 

TIP: What if you focused only on what’s most important right now?

4. Seeking approval 

Another core need is to feel connected to others. When we feel disconnected, we seek approval from others by performing, pleasing, and flattering in the hope of favourable reactions. Are you aware that you're anxiously trying to get relationships to work in your favour? 

TIP: What if you resolved to please yourself instead of others?

5. Trying to control situations and people

We all have control strategies to get what we want. We also try to control people so that they can be different. Are you aware when you use even subtle control strategies to get those close to you to cooperate? 

TIP: What if you surrendered your need to control and let life unfold?

6. Chasing after pleasures

When we feel dissatisfied, we get fixated on success, food, people, shopping, decorating, entertainment, alcohol, and drugs. How much are you chasing after things? 

TIP: What if you took time to practice gratitude for all you have already?

7. Lack of clear boundaries 

When you are not clear about what you will and won't allow, you won't be able to draw clear boundaries around situations and people. Boundaries give us the freedom to experience wellbeing, safety, and integrity in our relationships with people and the outside world. What are you still allowing that is impeding your wellbeing, safety, and integrity? 

TIP: What do you want and value? Communicate this clearly with others so they know.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

Take them one by one, write them out, and write down what you want instead. The awareness combined with the decision to change will help you raise the bar of your life so that you can experience the peace, power, and freedom you deserve.